I am about to enlighten you with a totally new and innovative method of generating millions of dollars in a previously untapped source of revenue. That’s right an untapped source of revenue, think about it a source of revenue that has never been utilized before by any state or government. You, our dually elected state legislators will lead the way.
As you are well aware and statistics have shown there are more victims of rape, molestation, indecent exposure, vehicular manslaughter, extortion, blackmail, burglaries etc. than there are shooting in this state. The program I am introducing will in effect help control and possibly eliminate the first three; rape, molestation and indecent exposure. It is so simple and basic I am surprised that it hasn’t been introduced before now. We all know that every male is born with a potential lethal weapon, his penis. Because of this alone every male has the potential to use his penis in an unlawful manner. In the hands of the perverted the penis can be and has been used to rape, molest and unlawfully expose himself, thereby victimizing hundreds of thousands. This potential lethal weapon must be controlled by registering and licensing. I believe we need to protect both genders from the possibility of a lethal penis.
The law I am suggesting will require all males born to be registered and licensed by the State of California,s Department of Penis Registeration (D.O.P.R.). All males born prior to the enactment of this legislation will be required to present himself for registration and licensing within 30 days of enactment of this legislation. Every male in the State of California will be issued a serial number by the (D.O.P.R.). which will be tattooed upon the potential lethal penis. There will be a fee charged for the initial registration and licensing of the penis with a yearly licensing fee similar to the licensing of vehicles, boats, trailers etc. In adult males the yearly fee charged will be based upon size of the penis (in this case size really does matter). We all know the larger the penis the more potential for greater harm to the victim. Think of the revenue that will be generated for our nearly bankrupt state millions of dollars available for the general fund by the penis alone. California legislators will lead the way and make money in doing so.
Now you may wonder about male visitors to our state and how can we control their unregistered penis. In our law we will require all male visitors to comply by utilizing a nonresident registration system with our newly formed D.O.P.R. The fee will be based upon length of stay and size of their nonresident penis. We can base this upon nonresident issued fishing and hunting licensing. Not only will you control and collect fees from a California penis, but you have opened the door to collecting fees from a visiting penis. The sky is the limit of our penis registration and licensing program. Revenue collected and placed into your capable hands to utilize for numerous programs at you beck and call and all from a penis.
Now in order to make sure all residents and nonresident penises are accounted for and licensed our law enforcement will be able to conduct surprise penis check points throughout the state just like DUI check points. Since all penises resident and nonresident are entered into a computerized data base maintaind by the (D.O.P.R.) the officers will be able to determine whether or not the penis is currently registered and licensed. If the penis is current and there are not any wants or warrants against said penis the penis will be sent on his way. However, if a penis is found to be unregistered and or delinquent in the yearly fees the penis will be detained and the required fees collected including penalties for not paying the fees when due; just like the penalties applied to vehicle registration. If the penis is delinquent for over three months it can be impounded unless the fees are immediately paid. Do you think any male wants his penis impounded and confiscated by the state? The male penis holder would need to be advised that his confiscated penis would be placed on ice until he can pay the fees but he must understand that the State of California cannot be responsible for the function of the penis once it is reunited with the male it may not function up to its prior pre-confiscated state. What male wants to loose of his pride and joy he will pay the fees.
Now here is the best part the penis is not protected by the 2nd Amendment even though it is a potential weapon that when fully loaded can be shot off. Think about it no interference from the NRA or the California Rifle and Pistil Assocuation.. Remember every male has the potential to rape and molest and yet he is not considered a criminal unless he has comitted the crime innocent until proven guilty. Why then is the State of California after residents who own guns and never comitted a crime? The above senerio was published to indicate how the potential is there for a male to rape and molest simply because of nature and yet not all males are sexual criminals just as all gun owners will use their weapons for illegal purposes. Why should the innocent be penalized? Think about that…..